since i've not a decent explanation for being vanished from my blog for over 5 months other thn being lazy, i'll juz turn oblivion to that matter..anyway,profuse apology for that!
So i'll just do this in a way of confession about my emotions (as what PPD alwis tells us, it's crucial to acknowledge one's emotions.
The question is, am I unimportant?
I've given it a yes, im even feeling hurt in realization of it..And even though i feel like i've tried, to please, to be good, to do my part, to do it right, and somehow it feels exhausting already and it's tough to keep doing that but see no change, i still wonder what if. Like, what if i have done it all wrong? what if i havn't given my best? i've oso decided to give up sometimes, but then giving up is not the way, it's never the way, i'll salvage nothing by doing so. So what do i do if giving up is not an option? Perhaps starting with finding other ways to make a better person out of myself.
But for now, I've decided, I SUCK.
*sigh...feeling much better
PS/ Cherlinn, you're right, feels good to be typing again haha
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Helminths
Kok Joo's palm infested with both hookworm and Strongyloides Stercoralis.
Hookworm
Usually they're intestinal worms, I totally have no idea how they got to his palm, another medical mistery. Oh wait, did I just disclose my patient's name? nah...guess he wouldn't mind...
Thursday, December 3, 2009
strangers=dangerous
since young, mommy alwis said no talking nor eye-contact to strangers and i've alwis had tat in mind coz im such a good girl. And then yesterday, at the midvalley ktm there, this guy suddenly appeared out of nowhere with some kind of paper on his hand asking me to write down my name and IC number so he could get this free meal or something. Pls la, im on the street and you expect me to write down my name and IC just like that? Do I look like an idiot to you?
but then this bug went as far as to following me when i had told him so many times NONONO. it's just a word, is it so hard to learn? Or won't you just save some dignity for yourself? This was when me and yilian were heading to Midvalley together. Unbelievably, when we were on the way bac to the ktm, this person came again and repeated the same speech to me. OH WHY?? Why me?? Don't you get it?? NOOOOO!
Okay, forget about this, but then after ktm on the way to monorail, another guy came to bother again, this time was promoting something, and of course im not gonna stop DUH! Then I watched yilian walking away safe again ahead of me. so i was like, why me again?
Is my magnet rosak or sth?? Kept attaracting those kinds of people. ish.
Anyway, don't go to Midvalley to do shopping. The shops sucked together with the sales. After getting done with the whole mall still didn't get much good stuff. What a waste of time.
but then this bug went as far as to following me when i had told him so many times NONONO. it's just a word, is it so hard to learn? Or won't you just save some dignity for yourself? This was when me and yilian were heading to Midvalley together. Unbelievably, when we were on the way bac to the ktm, this person came again and repeated the same speech to me. OH WHY?? Why me?? Don't you get it?? NOOOOO!
Okay, forget about this, but then after ktm on the way to monorail, another guy came to bother again, this time was promoting something, and of course im not gonna stop DUH! Then I watched yilian walking away safe again ahead of me. so i was like, why me again?
Is my magnet rosak or sth?? Kept attaracting those kinds of people. ish.
Anyway, don't go to Midvalley to do shopping. The shops sucked together with the sales. After getting done with the whole mall still didn't get much good stuff. What a waste of time.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Crash It, Never Again
Every time I go home, it’s as though im bound to learn something new, not an exception for this time either, not to mention a car crash is never one of my imagination, in fact I’ve never imagined anything.
It was just like any other night on the road, at least that was what I thought, quiet, all I could hear was the engine roaring and the radio blasting. Everything seemed so fine and I’d crossed god knows how many traffic lights, checked carefully for the colour of the lights on each of them before me especially the ones where no cars were in front of me because I’ve alwis felt this uncertainty when it comes to seeing a green light from far with an unoccupied wide road ahead because then I’ll think should I speed or slow but how am I supposed to figure in how many seconds the light’s gonna turn yellow or wat.
So this time, same situation, I looked at the lights and everywhere looked green to me so I decided to not slow down, staying the speed of 80-90 km/h and when I reached the cross road, to my utmost surprise, a Vios came out from the opposite lane crossing to my left, I was like what on earth is that car thinking (oh wait, the car don’t think)??! It’s my green light!! That moment was like a nightmare-come-true which was only of the most dreadful one, instinctively, I hammered on the brake as hard as possible holding on to my last hope but to no avail and it’s like watching your worst dream work its way to reality in the front seat, only the sound effect was a million time better. The first second I was listening to ‘paparazzi’ on the radio and the next I heard the screeching sound of the brake, as loud as I could get, piercing the dark cold sky, and then inevitably, the Vios traversing the road was struck crudely. The momentum came sudden but thank god I wasn’t hit by anything serious but too bad my car couldn’t be spared, though the ‘Bang’ caused by the crash was still classic, drawing the line between nightmare and reality.
Panic attack! I crashed my brother’s car and how on earth am I gonna live with that?? But at the same time still believing it was the opposite’s fault until the car owner, an Indian man came down to me and questioned me why I went against the red light. I was in awe and disbelief until another man came who claimed to be right behind me who halted his car rite before the light coz it was apparently red (I gotta say this man was unfriendly, he practically scolded me like I was some stupid school kid who had no idea what she was doing and of course I retorted but I bet he did not take me seriously. Well who does when every evidence was against me) Then the third man on a bike stopped by at my side who was just a passer-by, he was kind enough to stay there with me and gave me advice becoz he saw that malay man bullying me, he had no business in scolding me, according to the bike man. And I agree, he could either scold me and leave or go to the police station and make a report against me as witness but not do both! (which he did). Afterwards the wife of the Indian man also came to read me the riot act and to my surprise she even pulled it off in cantonese. Gosh, all I could talk back was I swear I saw the light green, again, sure no one cared. If it wasn’t for the kind man who stood by me until my family reached, I wouldn’t have known what to do with all these people accusing in my face. He was telling me all those about insurance, car workshop, payment for the compound and stuff, very helpful indeed though I didn’t really understand it all.
Finally my mom, aunt and uncle arrived to the scene, and all of a sudden, the steady face I’d been pulling in front of all those strangers crushed, as soon as my mom reached me I couldn’t withstand the urge of crying into her arms..oh yea, I cried..just so you know, im definitely not the weeping type, it’s just the stressful situation. I genuinely felt really terrible for the cars I crashed and sorry to the couple after I was convinced it’s definitely my fault and they were so innocent having their night ruined by me, they would totally hate me. However, Im still certain I never saw any yellow or red colour in sight at that moment but they said the car beside me had already stopped. I was almost tempted to go and officially say sorry to them even though I’d said it earlier but then I backed out coz their family came and the wife just seemed fierce.
After settling the car, we left the scene to the police station and made a report, got a compound of 300 bucks and the rest we can leave it up to the insurance company but there’re paper works to deal with. Well at least it was something new I did, hit a car. The end of story.
The aftermath:
For memories…
not my car…
In the workshop
It was just like any other night on the road, at least that was what I thought, quiet, all I could hear was the engine roaring and the radio blasting. Everything seemed so fine and I’d crossed god knows how many traffic lights, checked carefully for the colour of the lights on each of them before me especially the ones where no cars were in front of me because I’ve alwis felt this uncertainty when it comes to seeing a green light from far with an unoccupied wide road ahead because then I’ll think should I speed or slow but how am I supposed to figure in how many seconds the light’s gonna turn yellow or wat.
So this time, same situation, I looked at the lights and everywhere looked green to me so I decided to not slow down, staying the speed of 80-90 km/h and when I reached the cross road, to my utmost surprise, a Vios came out from the opposite lane crossing to my left, I was like what on earth is that car thinking (oh wait, the car don’t think)??! It’s my green light!! That moment was like a nightmare-come-true which was only of the most dreadful one, instinctively, I hammered on the brake as hard as possible holding on to my last hope but to no avail and it’s like watching your worst dream work its way to reality in the front seat, only the sound effect was a million time better. The first second I was listening to ‘paparazzi’ on the radio and the next I heard the screeching sound of the brake, as loud as I could get, piercing the dark cold sky, and then inevitably, the Vios traversing the road was struck crudely. The momentum came sudden but thank god I wasn’t hit by anything serious but too bad my car couldn’t be spared, though the ‘Bang’ caused by the crash was still classic, drawing the line between nightmare and reality.
Panic attack! I crashed my brother’s car and how on earth am I gonna live with that?? But at the same time still believing it was the opposite’s fault until the car owner, an Indian man came down to me and questioned me why I went against the red light. I was in awe and disbelief until another man came who claimed to be right behind me who halted his car rite before the light coz it was apparently red (I gotta say this man was unfriendly, he practically scolded me like I was some stupid school kid who had no idea what she was doing and of course I retorted but I bet he did not take me seriously. Well who does when every evidence was against me) Then the third man on a bike stopped by at my side who was just a passer-by, he was kind enough to stay there with me and gave me advice becoz he saw that malay man bullying me, he had no business in scolding me, according to the bike man. And I agree, he could either scold me and leave or go to the police station and make a report against me as witness but not do both! (which he did). Afterwards the wife of the Indian man also came to read me the riot act and to my surprise she even pulled it off in cantonese. Gosh, all I could talk back was I swear I saw the light green, again, sure no one cared. If it wasn’t for the kind man who stood by me until my family reached, I wouldn’t have known what to do with all these people accusing in my face. He was telling me all those about insurance, car workshop, payment for the compound and stuff, very helpful indeed though I didn’t really understand it all.
Finally my mom, aunt and uncle arrived to the scene, and all of a sudden, the steady face I’d been pulling in front of all those strangers crushed, as soon as my mom reached me I couldn’t withstand the urge of crying into her arms..oh yea, I cried..just so you know, im definitely not the weeping type, it’s just the stressful situation. I genuinely felt really terrible for the cars I crashed and sorry to the couple after I was convinced it’s definitely my fault and they were so innocent having their night ruined by me, they would totally hate me. However, Im still certain I never saw any yellow or red colour in sight at that moment but they said the car beside me had already stopped. I was almost tempted to go and officially say sorry to them even though I’d said it earlier but then I backed out coz their family came and the wife just seemed fierce.
After settling the car, we left the scene to the police station and made a report, got a compound of 300 bucks and the rest we can leave it up to the insurance company but there’re paper works to deal with. Well at least it was something new I did, hit a car. The end of story.
The aftermath:
For memories…
not my car…In the workshop
Friday, October 23, 2009
The Furry Little Domestic Creature
Wat is it? It's furry, gross, lazy,small, fat (only applicable in some), with tail, annoying when you smell like food and...erm..what else can I say to help you exclude the doggies. Aah! nevermind, I just gave it out.
CATS. Even though I hate them, somehow i find it worth mentioning here for a bit. So despite all the turn-off criterias, this one is quite an interesting one. And it all started with the stormy and heavy rain a couple of days before, totally mad and crazy, and whenever this kind of furious rain comes visit, most rain water will splash into the corridor and end up pooling in front of my doorstep, so this time, nothing was exceptional, everyone had to take a big step crossing the pool of water in front of my doorstep whenever they passed through. And one time, when I was about to enter my room, a cat (which I instinctively decide to hate everytime I look at it) was standing in front of the flood, kinda stared at the water as if there was something going on in its mind, and while I thought it was going to step rite on the flood after all to get across it, it kinda skipped to the divider of the corridor at the side and brilliantly avoided the water. So I was like, OMG! They do care! LOL! Pretty amusing though, it's surely one of their behaviours I've never bothered to discover aside from those like meow-ing ceaselessly in front of your door, crawling into your room when you carelessly leave your door open only for a second, making those irritating noises during their fore-play and diving into the trashbin and tearing whatever available into pieces trashing the floor with domestic waste and etc...
And somehow people can still find them adorable and with all the love in the world, hug them into their arms and play with them, and mind you, those happen to be medical students as well, totally gross!!!
For a catch-up,things I'm up to recently are guitar which I already kinda manage to play a couple of tabs, other than that, they're basically studies and exams. So everyone, HAppy the-inevitable-StuDy WeEk!!
CATS. Even though I hate them, somehow i find it worth mentioning here for a bit. So despite all the turn-off criterias, this one is quite an interesting one. And it all started with the stormy and heavy rain a couple of days before, totally mad and crazy, and whenever this kind of furious rain comes visit, most rain water will splash into the corridor and end up pooling in front of my doorstep, so this time, nothing was exceptional, everyone had to take a big step crossing the pool of water in front of my doorstep whenever they passed through. And one time, when I was about to enter my room, a cat (which I instinctively decide to hate everytime I look at it) was standing in front of the flood, kinda stared at the water as if there was something going on in its mind, and while I thought it was going to step rite on the flood after all to get across it, it kinda skipped to the divider of the corridor at the side and brilliantly avoided the water. So I was like, OMG! They do care! LOL! Pretty amusing though, it's surely one of their behaviours I've never bothered to discover aside from those like meow-ing ceaselessly in front of your door, crawling into your room when you carelessly leave your door open only for a second, making those irritating noises during their fore-play and diving into the trashbin and tearing whatever available into pieces trashing the floor with domestic waste and etc...
And somehow people can still find them adorable and with all the love in the world, hug them into their arms and play with them, and mind you, those happen to be medical students as well, totally gross!!!
For a catch-up,things I'm up to recently are guitar which I already kinda manage to play a couple of tabs, other than that, they're basically studies and exams. So everyone, HAppy the-inevitable-StuDy WeEk!!
Btw, here's the picture of the dress I mentioned during a few posts before and my awesome buddy and us in our Junior Welcoming Party (which so not make sense on the name its own).
Monday, September 28, 2009
Outside The Window
There are tons of things outside the window, but most of the time, none of them interests me actually. I've been enjoying staring out of the window lately when I'm on the bus, not exactly because there's a great view outside, it's because of the sense of peacefulness that it brings to your mind, a second to let your mind rest without thinking or processing thoughts that you can do some other time while you're eating, studying, listening, not sleeping or whatsoever. I've been thinking a lot these days(not academically,yea,shame on me), perhaps since the day I learnt about some tremendously awe-striking deep dark secret about my family, something my aunt blurted out out of the blue in the middle of a mundane conversation on a relaxing afternoon at home and left my jaw fell down to the ground(and stuck to it), left me ponder about it for quite some time.
Voices To You.....
And to top it off, that night spent most of it chatting with you. It started off with some interesting but a bit peculiar-blended with a bit of creeps stuff that is happening in your working place, and then i shared one or two of mine. After that, somehow we found ourselves reviewing our chronicles, a bitter one, and i think i saw tears damping your eyes. That moment I felt like i was punched hard on the stomach, slapped hot on the face and hugging you. However, neither of those happened. I felt sorry for everything. I shouldn't have brought that up or even gone there, i'd rather have you read me the riot act; nag me about every little thing than watching you this way. I'm sorry if I ever rebelled you; not listen to you; not pay attention to you after you stood up for us; fought for us; faced all odds for us; kept the pain to yourself from us. At the dawn of the day, I vowed to myself silently that I'm gonna make something great out of myself and provide you the best life I can; not let you fight the battle alone.
There I am, thinking again. Therefore, staring out of the window into the distance is exactly something I need to free my mind, coz out there, it's somebody else's life, something I can care less about, so I can find back the serenity in my head. Hence, I'm just gonna keep staring. And leave me be; don't misregard me as some weirdo.hah Xp
Voices To You.....
And to top it off, that night spent most of it chatting with you. It started off with some interesting but a bit peculiar-blended with a bit of creeps stuff that is happening in your working place, and then i shared one or two of mine. After that, somehow we found ourselves reviewing our chronicles, a bitter one, and i think i saw tears damping your eyes. That moment I felt like i was punched hard on the stomach, slapped hot on the face and hugging you. However, neither of those happened. I felt sorry for everything. I shouldn't have brought that up or even gone there, i'd rather have you read me the riot act; nag me about every little thing than watching you this way. I'm sorry if I ever rebelled you; not listen to you; not pay attention to you after you stood up for us; fought for us; faced all odds for us; kept the pain to yourself from us. At the dawn of the day, I vowed to myself silently that I'm gonna make something great out of myself and provide you the best life I can; not let you fight the battle alone.
There I am, thinking again. Therefore, staring out of the window into the distance is exactly something I need to free my mind, coz out there, it's somebody else's life, something I can care less about, so I can find back the serenity in my head. Hence, I'm just gonna keep staring. And leave me be; don't misregard me as some weirdo.hah Xp
Saturday, September 5, 2009
18 PL
On Friday, after the exam was over, we screamed, we shrieked, we threw hands up in the air almost feeling hysterical upon mistakes we made in the paper, we decided to go out for dinner to take our edges off a bit. It was all fun until the very end when we met someone so ‘out of the box’ that we should totally put him back into it and never let him out ever again! It was supposed to be this fun:
Time Square
These dudes showing their tickets to Final Destination
Dinner at Gas-oline
Time Square
These dudes showing their tickets to Final Destination
Dinner at Gas-olineSo on our way back, as usual we (me and yilian) were taking the monorail back to our faculty to take my car and head back to KTSN. It all started mundanely as we moved into the carriage and found our seats. And something to highlight on is that I was wearing a pair of sunglasses to conceal the fact that my left eye was a bit erythematous with a bit of localized swelling on the lower eyelid (somehow my left eye has gotten a bit sensitive lately with recurrence of swelling, the kind which mimics a big mosquitoes’ bite). Anyway, yea, I know wearing a pair of sunglasses at night is a bit out of place and I understand people will definitely have comments upon that because me myself as well will have comments too if put into the situation. However, we normal people will also usually just keep the comments to ourselves instead of ditching them all out in the person’s face like some kind of wacko+psycho+severely mental-retarded moron. And yes, no surprise, there was actually this wacko+psycho+severely mental retarded-moron person who really got on my tits. He was this middle age lousy-looking man who I think wearing a lousy white shirt stained yellowish black and a pair of oversized-boxer-looking pants (and maybe it’s really a boxer but he just liked to wear it out). Something you’d refer to as pyjamas. So c’mon, seriously before you comment on my sunglasses, go fix your wardrobe first moron!
Okay, he commenced his speech by talking in Cantonese about why the hell I have to go and wear the sunglasses at night as if I am blind or very ugly looking that I should go and seek for plastic surgery or I have a hideous scar on my face or something. I was darn flabbergasted hearing someone talking to me like that but of course I pretended I didn’t hear it because I thought he would cease himself after some soliloquy so I wouldn’t have to be the mad girl arguing with a man in the monorail. And darn it! I was wrong, he stupidly continued on with his speech on his own and I couldn’t stand it I decided to talk to yilian in English to make it clear to him I didn’t understand a thing he was saying, hinting him to f*ck off. But apparently that wasn’t enough because he did not care if I understood or not and carried on to talking about my mother father and family! And by then I was already shouting s*n of a b*tch inside but outside I was still discussing whether to join the KTSN marching team topic with yilian. At the same time he was still non-stop babbling and I was already stirring up inside and withholding the urge of spitting on his face and slapping him hard. Thank god yilian came up with the most brilliant suggestion that we should get off the next station and catch the next train. But then our train had to go and do something stupid which it halted at one station for what felt like ages and we couldn’t get off because the doors were closed. Maybe some technical hitch or whatsoever and it had me gone through another unbearable 5 to 10 minutes like that. I couldn’t bear it inside anymore so I actually insulted him back in English with yilian but too bad that moron wasn’t smart enough to understand English Duh! Then like still talking to himself, he said something like …..well, it’s not like I am being immature here humiliating you like this or I am talking bad about you blah blah blah…. Me (thinking): Oh C’mon, seriously you really don’t consider yourself as an immature for what you’re doing?? Seriously??......psychotic moron: Hey seriously, you really don’t know what I am talking? You seriously aren’t angry about it??... Me (thinking): oh moron, seriously you really think I would fall for your tricks and shout at you in public?? That would just make myself look bad and frankly, the fact that you’re condempting me in words that most people in the carriage couldn’t understand was just making you look like some silly cabbagehead talking to himself instead of me.
Apart from that, in the middle of his speech he was coughing intermittently. And then he suddenly changed the topic and said, if I could I wish I would transmit you some disease through my cough, perhaps cancer or something. Me (thinking): oh man!! Seriously?? Seriously you want to transmit cancer to me?? Oh my Lord!! You frigging dickhead I can’t wait to see that happen!!! But well, I do wish he didn’t have TB or pneumonia or whatsoever.
Oh gosh, that frigging mentally ill man really outraged me!! I know being the future medical practitioner we should be careful with our words to mental patient but right here I don’t even care to put him as somewhat mentally challenged, it’s just as simple as I put it, mentally ill-psychotic-moron-cabbagehead. Gosh, he even had a problem with my hand touching my chin when I was speaking with yilian, god knows what was wrong with him! But after some further endurance, the stupid train finally moved and we got off at the next station, gosh like I was gonna let him know what station my stop was exactly. When we got off the train, I was trying to spot him inside again so I could give him the hand sign asking him to fill in the blank but too bad the carriage was too crowded, bummer!
In final words, God bless the moron~~
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